You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
