I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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