Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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