Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
