so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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