Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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