He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
