Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
