Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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