he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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