I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
