and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
