U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
