she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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