I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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