11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
they're like a gay fantastic four
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
