this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
this is an emotional support booty call
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
