Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
