well you can't waste a boner
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
They took my balls.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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