So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
