She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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