Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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