i need an iv and a liver transplant
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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