I want to make a zoo with you.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
