Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
