WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
