you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
