i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
