our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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