I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
