We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
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I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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