Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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