Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dick very happy bro
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