Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
