Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
