Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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