Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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