So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
