There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
