i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
