i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
