My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
