I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
