there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
