I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
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