Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I wish there were birth control emojis
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
