somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
