please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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