i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
