Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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