There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
