I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
