it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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