IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
