BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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