cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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