Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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