"it" just moved
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
