***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dear god my vagina.
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