her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
