is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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