What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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