My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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