her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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