So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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