put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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