True but thats because hes a fetus.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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