So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
