really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
