Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
