Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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